Okay…a little dose of honesty

I’ve blogged lately about hating white people. Hating foreigners. Hating myself. And hating the Jersey Shore.

However, most of my writing, in general, is pure bullshit.

I don’t actually hate white people…although there are quite a few douche bags here.

I don’t hate myself for being white… (okay that’s a lie, but it’s nothing new to Korea)

And even thought the Jersey Shore was loud at Jeju…they’re pretty fun to run into drunk and are actually pretty awesome people.

The truth of the matter is that I think I’m going through a serious identity crisis.

Ever since shortly after I came to Korea I began to like it.

Perhaps a little too much.

In fact I like it here so much that I’ve begun to become scared that I’m somehow a traitor to my country or race or something.

I think that’s why I see the stupid people that American or white people do, and I look to them so I can say: “see, there, that’s why Korea is better, because America is full of shit-heads like that.”

So,  using the outliers of society, I begin to give myself an excuse for the fact that I may be here a long long time.

About my last post, sir Gollywog left me a well-deserved tongue lashing. Go check it out. I was a bit of an asshole and he called me out. In part of it he said this:

Answer this honestly, if there had been a Korean man, who was drunk, or just disruptive, to another bunch of foreigners who were trying to enjoy themselves, would you have confronted him? Or would you have just ignored them, even felt superior to them, because if you were in their situation you would be able to tell the guy to go away? Or would you ignore him out of a need to not rock the boat with your new friends, you would feel like that you dont want to be seen criticizing another Korean when the Koreans themselves would choose to ignore him.

The truth of it is that I probably would hive ignored this because he was a Korean. I want excuses to dislike this country, I want excused to dislike America.

But why?

Why do I like it here so much?

Why do I have this uncontrollable feeling that, even though I am different in every way from Koreans, I fit here?

I think it comes down to my upbringing.

My parents were super-conservative and that was the environment that I grew up in.

Having respect for people older than you, saying “sir” or “maam” to people, not taking the first bite of food until the older people started eating…these were just part of life.

Also among my parents values were healthy eating, a love for hiking and nature, hard work, not giving up, and being as friendly as you can to people.

My mom is also an adjumma! She has curly hair and is a little short. She is very nice, but she hardly smiles in public. And, if she’s on a mission or has work to do, beware of her pointy elbows.

The main problem with this whole situation is that my parents good values are also accompanied with an unhealthy attachment and dedication to their religion.

Because of the rigidity of the religion of home life, I left home early to go to boarding school. But, even though I hated the situation at home…I still felt like those values were the best.

Enter Korea.

Here, those values aren’t tied to religion or Christianity…they are part of the culture.

At home I felt a bit weird for not being as crazy as some of my friends, or not putting my penis into every available vagina, or not getting angry (or manly) enough at the right situations.

But here in Korea, for some odd reason, I fit.

I can’t understand it. I feel a little guilty about it. But it something that I can’t change.

Anyways, there you have it. I have no idea where this big adventure will take me. And I have no idea where I’ll land after my identity crisis. But the current forecast says Korea.

-HuskEric