How do white people die?

I used to think that white people die in car accidents, of lung cancer, of old age, or in an overly dramatic gun battle involving gang members, a drug deal, and a police crew with three men and a super hot woman.

However, today, I was having visions in my head of white people jumping in front of moving subways, diving into the Han River, or plummeting to their death from the top of 30+ story buildings.

“What a shame,” I thought, “that of all the suicides in Korea so few of them are whiteys…”

The first, albeit minor, provocation was at Hondae Park last night. There I was, having an amazing evening, when some douchebag walked up to a few guys playing guitar and proceeded to sing murderously scream at the top of his lungs.

“peg-in-nome shi-kuh-raw” I yelled in his general direction. (Which roughly translates to, “Hey white asshole…shut up”)

I received some approving looks from my neighboring Koreans.

…all was then fine until today.

After visiting the Seoul Motor show, taking plenty of pictures of the incredible sexy women who were car models innovative new cars, and eating a meal of raw fish (which included writhing live octopus) I headed to an outing with my Korean hogwan classmates.

Now, I’ve hated on my fair share of races, but somehow along the way I forgot to hate on the fucking Germans.

My Germanic hatred started with a guy named Ploss.

He about as cool and any white guy I had known up until he started grabbing my drunk friend’s boobs in a park.

There are many things that will not offend me…but attempt to rape a drunk girl until she leaves crying really crosses the line.

It wasn’t until today, however, that I solidified my hatred.

This guy, we’ll call him Hitler the Fat, joined our outing through no action of ours. He was a friend of a friend of a classmate.

Now, to be completely fair, there are two German men in my Korean hogwan. These two German men are some of the nicest, most honest, more respectful people in the world. I would like to say that they–as well as any Germans like them (which way well be 95%)–are not included in my racism. Although this will not keep me from officially hating all Germans from this point on.

Now Hitler the Fat is a chubby little fuck with an ego complex and “small penis syndrome”

One of our members brought a hookah to the campground at which we were having our party.

A hookah in public in Korea is a spectacle, so many people were looking, trying, and wondering about this fun new invention of fire and smoke.

Among them was a Chinese fellow. He came over and looked intrigued. One of my classmates speaks fluent Chinese and offered his a smoke from the hookah.

He accepted and then accidentally knocked of a small container of meat from our table onto the ground.

He apologized profusely. We said it was okay, but nicely he insisted and brought us a whole bag of samgyupsal.

Right after he did that, Hitler the Fat, stands up and yells: “FUCK YOU ching chong” with a little but of southern twang there at the end.

The Chinese fellow yells back the only English he has spoken all day: “Beoitch..man.”

My classmate who speaks Chinese calmed the situation down and the man left. Promptly after my classmate ripped into Hitler the Fat. “Why would you do that? Don’t you have any human decency?”

“uh…dude….I went over and kissed his wife, and then he said I have a small dick…the dude was an asshole, whatever. I’ll say ‘fuck you’ to whoever I want.” said the fat murderer of innocent lives.

The rest of the afternoon…what turned out to be only an hour, moved from a pleasant time to a time when I was scared to be around a group that involved him.

To Hitler the Fat, stray Frisbees are ways to hit on Korean woman playing with the their boyfriends.

To Hitler the Fat, say “Fuck his religion…am I right guys?” to our Muslim friend when he wanted to cook the pork after the beef so he didn’t eat any pig, is acceptable behavior.

To Hitler the Fat, kids walking 10 feet away from their parents are perfect targets to play the “I’ll run after you and pretend to kidnap you” game. (I wish I was joking at this point).

To Hitler the Fat, yelling on the subway is a pleasant past time and Koreans yelling “Shut up” to you as they move is funny.

To Hitler the Fat, going to a bar, having no money, telling his friend to “grab me a beer, I’ll hit you back tomorrow” and then bitching when “Heiniken is piss beer,” and telling his friend “get me another one, I won’t drink that shit…” is all in a day as the office.

Hitler the Fat prompted me to dream of the death of others. To wishfully muse about

And now this internet bigot has another race of white people to add to his hite list.

(Like I needed anymore people to hate)

Actually to be fair. I can’t hate all Germans…that’s not fair. I know too many awesome Germans.

I will however add “US Military Brat Half-Germans” to my list as well as “Semi-rapist Germans.”

…but then again…who doesn’t hate Half-German Military Brats? Eh?

I can give the guy some credit however, he did lead me to a bar which will will be the setting of my next post…

…as well as the reason that among all this, my weekend was one of the happiest I can remember…

So long for now

-HuskEric